The Necessity of
Conflict in Congregations
Prior to reading this book
I mistakenly thought of conflict as being inevitable, but still unbecoming and
unnecessary for true believers. I
certainly would not have ever labeled any kind of church conflict as “healthy.” My tendency is to ignore and avoid conflict
at all costs. If pressed, I would stand
up to an antagonist, but I would do so as a last resort and with great
reluctance. Most would consider me to be
very diplomatic in my handling of disagreements among church members, because I
do strive to focus the attention on the issues rather than making it
personal. However, my reluctance to
address conflict early has most likely lead to larger unnecessary issues that
eventually come to need my diplomacy.
I have learned that
conflict is necessary and can be very healthy.
In fact, conflict can be a sign of growth and vibrancy of a
congregation. Recognizing the signs for
when church conflict begins to become unhealthy is invaluable. Understanding that my goal as a leader must
be “to mediate the situation to achieve a reasonably positive outcome and
impact” helps as I attempt to avoid a potential harm when the inevitable
conflict arises. Before, my focus was on
avoiding the conflict by focusing on more “spiritual matters” in hope that it
would simply go away if the people were just more “Christ-like.” Now I
understand that while conflict may be a result of sin, that does not make it
“unchristian” or unworthy of being addressed and even used for good.
One’s theology of conflict
is closely aligned with their view of Theodicy and God’s purpose for allowing
human suffering. If we affirm with Paul
that suffering produces perseverance and hope then we must recognize that
church conflict can have similar results when properly addressed. Knowing that our God is one who brings life
from death, good from suffering, and hope from pain is essential to correctly
formulate a theology for conflict.
I mistakenly have
separated the concept of church conflict from the biblical teachings regarding
human suffering. Now, I realize that suffering
comes in many forms and such teachings can apply in providing me a biblical
perspective and approach. This not only
applies to conflict within the church, but also in my family and other
relationships in life.
The First Intensity of Conflict
Typical Issues with Many Solutions
Prior to reading this
chapter I did not consider the examples given of “intensity one conflicts” as
being actual “conflict.” They seemed to
just be examples of common everyday circumstances in a church. I thought of conflict as being less about
inconveniences and minor distractions of everyday life and more about when
people are at greater odds with each other.
While otherwise minor issues can certainly turn into something much
greater if not handled properly, I’m still not sure I’d refer to this level as
real “conflict.”
I feel I have done well in
handling these types of issues in the congregation. Such matters are so common-place in church
work that sometimes it is easy to forget the role you play in keeping the mole
hills from turning into mountains. I do
recall at times throughout my ministry where simple issue were blown way out of
proportion. Typically such matters can
be reconciled through more communication.
I rarely assume that people are informed about matters anymore at our
church. Technology has made
communication much easier and I utilize it regularly to ensure everyone has
access to all the information they need or want. The beauty of email, internet, and texts is
that it keeps records of what has been communicated, so when people complain it
is as simple as referring them to the previously published message.
As a pastor who has
experienced the strong opinions associated with finance, buildings, and the
overall business aspect of the church, I have tried to completely separate
myself from such functions. I may step
in as a spiritual advisor in the midst of a disagreement, but I avoid giving my
opinion about matters not dealing specifically with the teaching ministry and
spiritual development of the church.
This has help tremendously in isolating me from these types of minor
disagreements and keeps members from losing respect for my role as their
teacher and pastor. By entrusting these
matters to other leaders in the church I free myself up to focus on the matters
God has gifted me to fulfill within the body.
While these so called “conflicts” are minor they are certainly needed to
allow for congregates to work through issues and grow together in the process.
The Second Intensity of Conflict
Common Disagreements over Multiple Issues
Some level of confusion
regarding the complexity of emotions and hidden agendas surrounding conflict is
inevitable. There is no magic formula or
a one-size-fits-all answer when dealing with people. Everyone is unique and each circumstance has
it’s own specific challenges. Again, I
feel as if I handle the second intensity of conflict fairly well, though I
would not have been able to diagnose them as such before this study. I handle such conflicts by allowing people to
voice their concerns and help offer suggestions for compromise.
This level of conflict is
not over until all the parties involved have felt heard and believe the
situation has a resolution. Someone with
some level of authority must facilitate this outcome in order for members to
feel as if their concerns were addressed by those who can bring real and
lasting resolve. As a pastor, I try to allow other leaders to address as many
of these kinds of concerns as possible; not because I feel they are “below me,”
but because I desire to protect my role as the spiritual leader and teacher in
the body. If I do speak into such
conflicts I attempt to remain as neutral as possible while offering biblical
principles that might help guide the parties to an agreeable compromise. Even when I feel strongly about a particular
issue it is my desire to keep my opinions to myself and lead the group to come
to a consensus.
For example, I despise
when the temperature in our sanctuary is too warm. I sweat and lose focus as I attempt to preach
on the stage under the lights. In the
past, I would have complained openly and fought to get the temperature
cooler. Now I speak privately with our
janitor to provide an extra fan and lesson the use of unneeded lighting on
stage. Then, I allow those in the
building committee address the concern and come to an agreement on the most
conducive temperature for everyone. I am
ashamed to admit it, but I think I might steal the janitor’s idea about using
dummy thermostats at my church.
These conflicts are
inevitable in a church, but now I see they can be quite beneficial in
facilitating growth within the congregation.
If such conflict is never addressed then needed changes will never be
made and the church will never grow and adapt to the needs of the people.
The Third Intensity of Conflict
Competition That Develops Causes
As stated before, though
my diagnoses of this “third intensity of conflict” would not have been
accurate, I feel my handling of the issues being presented here is
adequate. However, this study has given
me some much needed clarity in understanding the process of development and
changes in the dynamic of a congregation going through the various levels of
conflict.
It so happens that our
congregation is currently working thorough three of the mentioned scenarios of
this chapter. I, and a few others, feel
a need to modernize the worship style to appeal to younger families. There are some who would like to ordain a
deacon that was divorced many years ago which hasn’t typically been acceptable
at this church. And, finally, we are
about to begin a building and renovation process on our facility. Though no serious areas of conflict have
escalated to a point of concern, the potential is ever present. I suspect God has directed me to this course
for such a time as this.
I know little about
maintaining a building or balancing a budget, so why should I make decisions or
even offer opinions on such matters if it may risk hindering my role? This is been my approach in dealing with most
volatile areas within the church.
Unfortunately, I am not sure that will continue to be effective while
going through so many potentially contentious changes. I have personally backed off pushing for any
change in the style of music and have held back on addressing the ordination of
new deacons until we complete the building project. I believe this is a wise decision because it
will lesson the potential of fall out and disagreement. However, I fear our church’s potential is not
being met due to an inactive deacon body and a worship service that is dated
and less appealing to new potential members.
The positive aspect of a
building project is that it has a timeline and does not last forever. We will know when it is over and all reap the
benefit of a new facility. Thus, this
solution is easily defined and the resolution attainable. It is the disagreements along the way that
concern me. Everyone has an opinion
about the way things ought to look and function, but rarely are those opinions in
agreement.
The Fourth Intensity of Conflict
Now It’s Time to Vote or Else
This is the kind of
conflict that I, as a pastor, fear will derail our church’s current focus. Having been on staff at a church that went
through a split early in my ministry I understand the concepts Bullard
describes regarding competition and the desire to win. At that time I served as the Youth Minister
and it was very difficult to lead from the middle. I honestly do not know how I could have
handled this particular situation any better considering the circumstances and
my lack of experience.
In that situation I
learned much about human nature and was shocked by the pettiness, pride, and
downright meanness of those who call themselves “Christian.” The new pastor injured his back while moving
into his home and after a year of suffering and dealing with pain medications
the personnel committee encouraged him to take 6 months off to do corrective
surgery, guaranteeing that his job was secure.
Two weeks later while he is still in the hospital the personnel chairman
and a few others submitted a four-page grievance letter to the deacon body
calling for the Pastor’s resignation.
Since I was present in the
meeting where the pastor was guaranteed job security by the same individual who
submitted the letter requesting his termination; I could not remain silent to
this injustice. To this day I know I did
the right thing in defending our pastor, but I also know I probably could have
done so in a more diplomatic and effective manner. I could not believe someone would be so
blatantly unethical in his dealing with a good pastor who was in need of love
and support. It made me angry and I did
not hesitate to express my opinion to that chairman and the congregation. In hindsight, I believe our staff should have
sought a third party mediator to objectively address this matter.
Ignoring this level of
conflict is not an option and handling them alone is not wise. Many men do not ask for help for the same
reason we do not stop and ask for directions.
Pride tells us we can handle the issue on our own, but we fail to see
things objectively because of our personal investment. God is able to bring
good out of any situation, but these levels of conflict are not needed or
healthy. Many could be avoided if
assistance is sought out early in the process.
The Fifth Intensity of Conflict
Dividing the Medes from the Persians
Anyone naïve enough to
believe that this level of conflict could not happen in their congregation has
not been around church work long. This
level of conflict can sneak up on any congregation due to the confusion of
multiple issues and the emotion that clouds sound judgment.
In my church that split,
all the staff ended up getting severance packages and leaving the church along
with about three fourths of the congregation.
It was about as bad a situation that it could have been. I do not think I could have prevented this in
the position I served, but I do believe I could have helped guide the church to
seek assistance earlier in the process. I believe much more could have been
accomplished if a compromise would have been reached, but once the conflict reach
this magnitude the permanent damage was already done.
The goal of “getting to
neutral” from an intensity five conflict may seem less than worthy, but having
been there I believe it is quite ambitious.
The intensity of emotion and pride at this level is very difficult to
overcome. Full recovery and restoration
is near impossible, so the hope getting to neutral by stopping the bleeding is
the first priority.
The only good that came
from this level of conflict is that a new church started in the area, which was
more effective at reaching the lost.
Those who stayed in the original congregation had to close down most of
the facilities in order to pay the bills and have struggled to keep their doors
open since the split. I suppose they may
have learned a valuable lesson in the process and will avoid such mistakes in
the future. However, according to Bullard those who experience an intensity
five conflict tend to be repeat offenders, which is quite disheartening.
If anything was handled
well it was the termination process.
Because of the number of people supportive of the staff and those who
wanted the pastor gone the severance negotiation process went very smoothly. Unfortunately, the antagonists who caused the
problem were left to deal with a large empty building, overwhelming debt, and a
disheartened elderly crowd who trusted them to lead them through the conflict.
The Sixth Intensity of Conflict
Discrediting Our Enemies
To some degree much of
what I have written about those in the church I served could be interpreted as
my attempt to discredit them. However,
it cannot be wrong to “discredit” blatant sin and antagonism. This was proven by the fact that some of them
did seek to demonize the people who left to start a new work. Bullard is accurate in his assessment of this
level of intensity regarding the “pursuit of people” for no other reason than
vengeance and anger.
I did not realize that I
went through this level of conflict until reading this book. Would that I have know then what I know now
regarding such matters, I could have better assisted the congregation to seek assistance
and guidance from a third party source.
As Bullard affirms, it is impossible for any congregation to deal with
this level of conflict without outside professional assistance. It would be very unwise to even try.
It is doubtful this level
of conflict is ever fully resolved due to the lasting scars left on the
victims. The pastor of the church took
months to physically heal, but years to heal emotionally and his career is
still suffering to this day. It almost
destroyed his family and I do not believe his children will ever view the
church in the same way again due to how they witnessed their father’s
mistreatment.
No congregation, church
member, or pastor deserves this kind of conflict. It is a direct result of sin and should be
treated as such. I have learned that
confronting the antagonists firmly and using outside mediation early in the
process is absolutely necessary to avoid these types of heart wrenching outcomes. Church members should be educated on such
matters so they too will recognize the signs and understand the needed steps to
find reconciliation. It is a mistake to
wait until conflict arises to provide training and education on the subject of
conflict management. In our small
congregation I have begun teaching a short series on “Unity,” which addresses
many key biblical principles and issues presented in this work by Bullard. This one simple preventative measure will
greatly increase our capacity to properly handle conflict situations and to do
so with the assistance of others who have been forewarned about such matters.
The Seventh Intensity of Conflict
Destroying the Infidels
While the church spilt I
endured was bad, there was only one retributive act that may have dipped into
the intensity seven level. Several
months after the staff had left the church, those who remained attempted to report
all of us to the IRS for unreported income since we kept the PDA’s the church
had provided. Some of us just mailed the
PDA’s back to the church and others of us were forced to refile our tax returns. According to my CPA there was no possible
reason to do this except for vengeance.
I also heard that one of
the remaining deacons called churches were the pastor applied and slandered his
name thus attempting to prevent him from finding work. To this day this pastor’s career has been
irreparably harmed. I submit this is
some of the worse kind of violence one can do to another. And I am still amazed at the depth some
so-called believers are willing to stoop in these types of conflicts.
Avoiding this level of conflict
involves early intervention. Once
conflict reaches this level the damage has been done. The depth people involved are willing go in
order to get vengeance is unique to each situation, but everything must be done
to reach “neutral” in order to avoid any further damage. The bible commands us to strive to be at
peace with all men and those in this level of conflict would do well to reach
out to the opposition and seek some level of reconciliation. Even if the parties cannot come to an
agreement, maybe they can agree to disagree and go their separate ways without
doing further harm to each other or the congregation.
No congregation or
individual deserves this kind of conflict.
However, going through such intense circumstances drives deep the
lessons involved and teaches the seriousness of addressing issues before they
go too far. It also helps one understand
the depth of man’s depravity in the midst of conflict. It teaches the value of true friends who
stand beside you through the darkest times.
Such fires in life may produce enemies, but they also have the potential
of forging the best of friendships. No
one should go through this intensity of conflict alone. Having a tangible shoulder to cry on, an ear
to hear, and an objective voice to provide Godly feedback is absolutely
essential.
Leadership Styles for
Engaging Conflict
As previously discussed I
have attempted to avoid getting involved in lower intensity conflicts when
possible. This allows for me to remain
neutral and unbiased as the pastor whose goal is to preach the scriptures. I also attempt to show objectivity and
support for the parties involved. This
has proven to be effective in most intensity one or two conflicts, however a
pastor must begin to address conflicts that rise above that level. When the issue becomes competitive Bullard
teaches that accommodation and avoidance are no longer options. I agree with this assessment because such
denial may only allow for the intensity to grow.
In our current
congregation the need for outside assistance has not been required, however in
the church that went through the split, the decision not to bring in an outside
mediator proved to be detrimental, not only to the congregation but to the
pastor and staff as well. Any church
that gets to a level four intensity conflict, where emotions are rising and an
imminent resolution is not in sight, will need outside assistance. I have learned the lesson of attempting to go
that road alone and will not make that mistake again. It can never hurt to be overly cautious. Having a trained outside mediator to help you
positively engage any conflict situation cannot be a bad thing. As they say, “Better to be safe than sorry.”
Being employed at the
Baptist General Convention of Texas has made me aware of the resources
available to the local churches. Now I
would not hesitate to contact a trained mediator or coach to help address
difficult situations. Though it would be
less needed now that I have more experience and training in this area than it
was in the past, I still recognize my own weaknesses and have much less pride
when it come to asking for assistance and practical advice.
If conflict never occurred
these leadership styles could never be developed. Lessons could not be learned and
relationships would not be strengthened without the friction created by
conflict. Learning when and when not to get involved, when to provide support,
collaboration, persuasion, or negotiation is invaluable for every leader. However, there is nothing like on the field
experience when it comes to developing these skills.
Processes for Engaging Conflict
After reading this chapter
I better understand the distinction between conflict resolution, conflict
mediation and conflict management. I now
see that when a leader and the congregation has been properly trained in conflict
resolution their will be much less need for the outside assistance involving
mediation and management.
When I stared at my
current congregation they were in the “retirement” stage of the life cycle. Because of my job at the state convention
many of them saw me as an “outside authority” and that has provided much needed
influence to earn confidence and affect needed change without the typical
resistance. As Bullard predicted, they
had gotten into the habit of conflict and running off leaders. While I have only been their pastor for a
couple of years the growth and new excitement has earned much trust from the
veteran members. Even when they are discontent
they recognize the growth and positive developments and find it easier to let
such things go.
Currently, the
congregation needs to prepare for the conflict that may arise from growing
pains. When new people join a church,
things change, and not always for the better.
For example, we recently had a young single man start coming to the
church, but we don’t have a Sunday School class for his age group. We have the choice to start a new class by
pulling out some other younger adults from another class or have him adapt and
plug into an already existing class. Personally,
I feel that we need to start another class in order to promote growth and
expanding the ministry, but many don’t want to split up their current class due
to strong relationships that have developed.
Thus far I have not pushed for any change, but eventually this issue
will have to be addressed.
This book has helped me
view conflict more as an opportunity for growth, but it has also given me a
reminder of the seriousness of addressing such matters early in the
process. The four pathways help
categorize disagreements and seek compromise.
Focusing on the “yes” that unites the congregation is far more effective
than attempting to criticize or demean the complainers. I admit, in the past I have been guilty of
throwing the whiners under the bus rather than keeping the focus on finding the
“yes.” Reaching resolution early in the
process is much more effective as a long-term solution.
How to Never Experience Unhealthy Conflict
in Your Congregation Again
Before reading this
chapter I felt as if unhealthy conflict was inevitable in a church with
unhealthy people. However, I can now see
that unhealthy conflict is avoidable if certain preventable measures are
taken. Honestly, this chapter was a bit
overwhelming though. Reading through
Bullard’s twenty steps kind of reminded me of reading through Leviticus. I began thinking, “How on earth could anyone
possibly attain this level of perfection?”
I suppose Bullard has been the tutor I needed to help me fall back on
God’s grace, even if unintentionally.
That being said, the key
concept of developing a core ideology, vision, and future story that is deeply
owned in the congregation is invaluable.
I admittedly have my doubts as to if unhealthy conflict can certainly be
avoided in light of the fact that wolves do exist within the church. When a church adopts a Godly vision the evil
one is going to attack and attempt to stop their efforts. While the attack may be handled correctly, I
am not sure it will always be done in a healthy manner where sinners are
involved.
To be effective these
steps need to be taken in bite size bits and adapted to my local
congregation. Ideally the deacon body
would be looked to for assistance, but in my particular context that is not a
viable option. Instead, a few key
individuals may need to be approached and enlisted to walk through these
preparations with me. Currently we have
a working vision and core ideology, so I would spend some time developing a
“future story.” I do feel this would be
a healthy process for the congregation as a whole.
Our church does not
currently have a disaster communication plan, but considering the small size of
our congregation a simple informal approach would be relatively easy to
develop. It would need to involve
several key leaders who have easy access to the members and the trust of the
congregation. This plan can be developed
following the creation of the future story and enlistment of helpers. Meanwhile, education of the congregation
regarding the various levels of church conflict and the major principles of
this book will continue. By requesting a
few key leaders to read this book in preparation, I hope to gain the needed
buy-in needed for implementation.
Implication for Denominational
Service alongside Congregations
The denomination should take
a proactive role by having available coaches, resources, and tools for church
may experience conflict. Additionally,
they must be proactively making sure their affiliated congregations are
educated about these provisions. At the
BGCT, where I am employed, the most common feedback indicates a lack of
awareness regarding the resources and ministries available to the church. Placing a list on a web site or an occasional
mail out is not sufficient in most situations.
Personal relationships must be developed between denominational
employees and local ministers for effective education to result.
Each denomination must
decide for itself if such services should be provided at no cost or for some
reasonable fee. Ideally this service
would be provided free, but some smaller denominations might not have the
needed budget to meet this demand. An
argument could be made that a small fee would affirm the congregation’s
commitment to the process. There is
something to be said for a church’s willingness to invest financially in its
recovery and long-term health.
The BGCT currently
provides mediation and coaching services for churches, but it appears to me
that most congregations fail to seek assistance until the bulk of the damage
has been done. Therefore, the
denomination tends to be more in the business of cleaning up messes rather than
preventing them. To remedy this more
education is absolutely necessary. When
churches are aware of the available resources and the understanding that
assistance should be sought out early in the process many unnecessary conflicts
would be avoided.
The denomination should
support both the clergy and the congregation.
A good mediator will be able to objectively evaluate the conflict to see
which parties are in error. When the
clergy is in error he or she should be called out in love, but when members of
the congregation are in error the mediator should work along side the pastor to
address the conflict in the most effective manner possible. Appeals should be able to be made when an
impasse is reached in the process, but these matters must be managed on a
case-by-case basis.
