Dear Leighton Flowers,
My name is Sara, I am 22 years old, and I have been attending The Oaks church for a couple of months now. During the services, you always say that you are available if we have any questions, and I need to take you up on that offer. ^_^
One of my best friends is an athiest, and we have recently come to blows over religion. My friend is very intelligent, very logical, and a good arguer, but clear thinking and communicating is one of my weaknesses. To put it lightly, I did a horrible job of supporting my faith, and we both walked away very hurt and confused. I've seen that I don't know how to present my faith.
I am really having a hard time with what to do. There are lots of things I've been challenged with and am struggling with pertaining to Christianity. I don't doubt that God is, or anything like that, but I've realized that I've been a very ignorant Christian, professing beliefs that I could not back up, and I have been trying to understand what the true faith really is. I am at a complete loss. I have hurt my friend horribly because my attempts at explaining why I believe were so unclear and dreadful (they really were. they even confused me later). I don't have any skills in apologetics, and I don't know what to do.
I desperately need some direction and wisdom and instruction. Is there any wisdom you can share with me? Or is there anyone you can recommend I speak with? My friendship is on the line, I feel like an utter failure as a witness for Christ, and I would really appreciate some good, biblically based help right now.
I hope you don't mind me taking the liberty of e-mailing you. I didn't know where else to turn for truth and wisdom. I don't know if there is anything you can do or wisdom you can share, but I would even appreciate just your prayers. Thank you so much for your time and patience. ^_^
Most Sincerely,
Sara
Sara,
First, let me thank you for writing this letter and allowing me to post it here. It takes a lot to admit when we are in need of help and I think you are taking steps in the right direction.
Second, I appreciate the tone and attitude of your letter. In fact, I strongly encourage you to approach your atheistic friend in the same manner. There is nothing wrong with telling your friend that you are weak in certain areas in much the same manner you have done with me. I think she will respect you more than if you simply "blow up" or get an a endless debate with her about issues you are not prepared to discuss in depth.
Third, have you heard the old saying, "You win more flies with honey than with vinegar?" This is actually a biblical concept. Jesus told us to be kind to our "enemies" by giving them food when they are hungry and drink when they are thirsty. In doing so, the scripture teaches, it is "like heaping burning coals on their head." What does that mean? Simply put, that being kind will get you much further than being dogmatic, argumentative or even "right." I'm not saying that you have to agree with her views or in any way condone her sinful behavior. I'm saying that you should focus more attention on serving her and meeting her needs than on making sure she agrees with your views. As the saying goes, "People don't care what you think unless they really think that you care."
Forth, sometimes its better to simply talk about your story rather than focusing on confusing and endless ontological arguments about the existence of God. She can't argue with your experience. Saying something like, "I understand that you don't believe in God's existence, but I feel him in my life and he brings me comfort, direction and guidance...I can't explain that fully, but I just know He is with me and that's enough for me. I hope you can respect that even if you disagree with it. I love you and your my friend whether you believe in God or not." And then love her, period. Be there for her when she needs a friend. Be Christ in flesh to her and allow the Spirit to do the rest. Be patient and pray a lot!
Don't feel the need to disagree with her about things she says all the time. Let some things go. Pick your battles. Avoid politics and religion when possible so as to avoid needless arguments. Those heated debates only harden her heart from your influence in her life, they don't bring her closer to you or God. Love is much more effective...not fake, pretend love, but genuine love. Pray that God fills you with that love...it can only come from Him anyway...and He will!
I hope this helps Sara. I will be saying a prayer for you today and if their are others who have advice or suggestions please chime in...
Blessings!
Leighton
