Wolfelt,
Alan D. Death and Grief: A Guide for
Clergy. Bristol, PA: Accelerated Development, 1998
Introduction
Wolfelt
presents a variety of useful information that helps church professionals
understand the process of grief. This book further serves as a guide to
understanding the individual’s reaction to the initial loss and the process of
recovery. It begins by discussing societal norms regarding grieving. In our
fast paced society people assume that the mourning process should be fast.
Thus, many do not allot enough time needed for individuals who have suffered
loss to fully grieve. Another misconnect addressed by the author is that grief
only occurs when an individual dies. Yet grief is evident in every loss people
experience. Addressing these misconceptions allows people to successfully work
through their grief.
Benefits
People grieve in numerous ways.
However, people can in many ways be defined by their grieving style.
Understanding the individual in their mourning process helps church
professionals to choose the most effective way to help the recovery. Moreover,
the author warns that some people are not ready to talk about their emotional
scars and specific areas of hurt. Recounting one’s experiences can be a painful
reminder of what one has lost, thus; often individuals going through grief
would rather avoid this pain by neglecting much needed therapy. The author teaches
that it may be especially painful for the mourner during holidays,
anniversaries and birthdays. Helping those who have suffered great loss to
prepare themselves for these times is an important way to help an individual
manage their emotions on the anticipated day.
Church professionals often handle
the cultural or societal rituals associated with death. Although commonly
practiced rituals in our society have an emphasis on remembering and respecting
the deceased, funerals and wakes serve other purposes as well. Wolfelt discusses
the importance of such rituals in regard to closure for the individuals. Understanding
these purposes as a church professional helps to ensure that mourners will be
able to process the functions of these rituals to obtain proper closure.
Another important concept discussed
throughout the book is bereavement overload. Bereavement overload happens to
mourners as well as helping professionals. Individuals that have suffered
multiple losses during a short period of time are more susceptible to
developing bereavement overload as well as complicated grief. However, few
ministers ever suspect that bereavement overload could happen to them. Helping
others is a strenuous job regardless of profession. Yet, many fail to remember
that pastors are humans. Like others, members of the clergy also experience
loss. The ability to help multiple individuals and maintain their own emotional
health is not easy. One of the best suggestions offered by the author is the
reminder to take care of yourself as this affects your ability to help others.
This book further outlines
strategies that may help individuals process the tasks of mourning. Among these
methods includes pastoral counseling and knowing when to refer someone for
additional help. The clergy plays a strong role in connecting people with faith
while guiding them through the process of loss. However, church professionals
need to understand when to refer people for additional help to ensure the
overall health of the person. Some individuals may need to seek medical counsel
to help manage their symptoms. This concept is especially relevant when dealing
with individuals that may seem suicidal. The presence of a mental illness prior
to the loss may also be an indicator that the individual needs medical help, as
grief may aggravate an illness that was previously under control.
Limitations
The
majority of this work focuses on defining grief and helping clergy reach an
understanding of the concept. Unfortunately, this book only has a handful of
pages that are relevant to church professionals in the practical work of helping
others. The main points in relating grief to the role of a minister deals with
more ritualistic expressions. Yet, grief extends far beyond the public rituals.
Grief is a difficult process and ministers need to know how to effectively help
parishioners using both their knowledge of counseling and their spiritual
guidance of the Christian faith. However, this book is weak in the area of
practical guidance in this particular realm.
This
book does not adequately address the reaction that some individuals become
angry with God for their losses. Instructing ministers in how to handle these
situations practically is essential to assist the mourner in dealing with the
grieving process while maintaining their faith. Further, individuals that turn
away from their faith during these times may suffer a loss of an attachment
from God and their congregation, which will only exacerbate the problem.
Conclusion
Wolfelt demonstrates a strong grasp
of how to help individuals affected by loss. The strategies employed throughout
this book demonstrate multiple methods of helping church professional to
understand the process of grieving. Moreover, this book offers a personal
insight as to questions and answers that church professionals have encountered
in helping people.
