Webb,
Nancy, ed. Helping Bereaved Children 2nd
ed. New York: Guilford, 2005.
Introduction
Mourning
is always a difficult process for people of any age. Yet, many fail to
acknowledge or understand the unique way in which bereaved children handle
tragedy and grief . Webb tackles this difficult subject with clarity and truth,
bringing light some significant information for ministers or professional
counselors working with children.
Benefits
Webb teaches through the concept of
categorizing children into stages based upon their development. This is an
important concept in childhood mourning as developmental tasks and activities
define how the child learns to accept and deal with their grief. Young children
that range from 2-7 often do not understand the permanency of death. Piaget’s
preoperational stage of development is included in describing how children
perceive death. Moreover, at this specific developmental period children
encompass magical thinking. Although this may be hard for adults to comprehend,
children believe circumstances can supernaturally change, leading to confusion
and disappointment if not addressed properly.
During the latency period of
childhood development (7-11), children begin to understand that death is
permanent. This is an important concept for anyone working directly with
children to understand, as this may affect the child’s emotional state.
Children in this stage can exhibit similar signs of mourning when compared to
adults. Although children begin to understand their own mortality, they do not
understand that mortality is something that an individual cannot control.
Children that experience a sudden loss, or the unexpected loss of a younger
individual, may exhibit signs of anger and confusion. Further, when children
enter the formal operational stage of development many exhibit signs of
helplessness and confusion when dealing with grief from the loss of a loved
one.
Through addressing how children
understand the world the author sets the stage for explaining different
theories of grief. Although Webb outlines numerous theories involving grief in
children, he does not teach that one is better than the other. For instance,
the author makes reference to young toddlers suffering separation anxiety.
Although separation anxiety can hardly be compared to grief, the young child
does not understand that being separated from his or her parent or loved one is
a temporary event. Yet as children grow the author demonstrates that they
develop an understanding of permanency of events. Moreover, Webb provides the
reader with an understanding that children are much different than adults in
dealing with loss. Unlike adults, children may re-grieve through each
developmental stage. This can confuse even professionals who work with adults
if they are unfamiliar with childhood grief.
This work establishes a variety of practical
techniques to help children grieve. Among these techniques includes play
therapy. Children tend to demonstrate their feelings when playing and
interacting with others. As church professionals we can use this information to
help parents or loved ones communicate with their children more effectively.
Moreover, helping parents and/or loved ones understand that direct
communication with the child may not work as well helps the parent/loved one to
guide their child through the process of loss. The author further addresses
that children often have short-attention spans. Caregivers and loved ones need
to understand that children are not like adults in this regard and generally do
not spend the whole day encompassed in one emotion.
The author further discusses the
fact that some children may need more professional guidance. Among these
children are those that previously have been diagnosed with a mental disorder,
disability, terminal illness, and children that appear to be stuck in the
grieving process despite the fact that others around them have returned to
their normal routines. Yet, children are very different from adults in that
adults can often better communicate their thoughts, emotions, and express their
need for more help in a particular area. The child’s peers are not likely able
to understand or comprehend the situation the child is experiencing. In
addition, the author warns to watch for a regression of behaviors, as many
children can regress back to previously mastered tasks after suffering a
traumatic loss. The length of time of the regression should be considered in determining
the type of help and or support to give the child.
Limitations
Although the author acknowledges
differences among children such as religion, culture, and gender; the author
does not provide solutions to working with children of different backgrounds.
Assessing children’s behaviors during the grieving process can be a difficult
task for church professionals that are not familiar with cultural variables
that may affect the child’s interpretation of the grieving process. Moreover, the
counselors or ministers are left to determine if the grief is normal,
complicated, or disabling. More practical guidance in the determination of
these types of grief would be helpful for those in ministry to children.
Conclusion
Webb provides many beneficial points
in his work with childhood mourning. This book should be recommended for all ministers
or counselors or working with children to understand normal and abnormal
behaviors. Although this work has some limitations, the book provides a strong
grasp of understanding childhood development and how it relates to experiences
of the child.
