Rando,
Therese. Grief, Dying and Death.
Champaign, Illinois: Research Press, 1984
Introduction
This book details loss in multiple
facets. Grief, death and dying are all processes of mourning. However, these
concepts extend beyond the individual that is dying on to his or her family,
friends and caregivers. Through an exploration of different roles and reactions
Rando provides the readers with different perspectives of the mourning process.
Benefits
Rando provides an emphasis on
defining the word caregiver. Caregivers are not merely the people that provide
physical care to the individual, but psychological care and support. Other
books fail to mention social services and agencies that are often employed when
an individual has been diagnosed as being terminal. Although these services
provide care for the individual, this book emphasizes the care given to the
family. For example, hospice may help the family to ensure that all of the
individual’s arrangements are in place. Moreover, volunteers remain with the
terminally ill person when the family cannot be there. The role of these
services is lessened in other works focusing mainly on the signs of grief.
Further, Rando demonstrates a strong knowledge of the functions of these groups
by differentiating the purpose of the terms “support” and “closure.”
Understanding these differentiations help church professionals know their role
in assisting individuals through crisis.
Although other works acknowledged
the emotional processes of grief, Rando brings new information into the family
dynamic. Couples that experience a loss may distance themselves from each
other. This is common as males tend more to privatize their grief. However,
distance is often perceived differently in women as they become less interested
in sexual relations with their mate. Sexual relations are not emphasized in
other works, but this is an important issue in a marriage. Although abstaining
from sexual relations may be inevitable for a time after a traumatic event, a
prolonged period of neglect in this area makes the problems in the relationship
worsen.
In addition, the role of grandparents is
highlighted in this work. Grandparents can play a unique and influential role
dependent upon the type of loss. They hold the love of a parent, but with different
responsibilities that are essential in a healing process. When working with a
grieving child both parents and grandparents should work together and help the
child find nondestructive ways to grieve.
The stronger the foundation of the home and family relationships the
easier it will be for children to heal.
Rando describes suicide as a
phenomenon that occurs for various reasons while also contrasting suicide to
other forms of death. Regardless of the cause of death the loss is difficult,
but the sigma and grief associated with suicide is unique and complex. Suicide
is viewed as both criminal and sinful causing the relating survivors to blame
themselves or feel others are judging them for the death. Assisting the
individual to release the blame and deal with judgmental suspicions will help
them to make peace with their loss.
Another benefit provided by the
author is the differentiations of loss. According to the author, loss can be
physical or psychological and in some cases it is both. Individuals may grieve
psychological losses in the same way they would grieve the physical loss of a
loved one. For example, a woman that finds out that she cannot have children is
suffering a type of psychological loss. Although she did not physically lose
anything she is losing the ability to fulfill her goals.
More complicated losses involve physical and
psychological elements. This is exemplified through the tragedy of divorce. The
separation resulting from divorce is not just the loss of a spouse; it is often
also the loss of other married friends and associations developed through that
partnership. Through teaching these principles the author presents a realistic
way to help individuals move on and heal. Church professionals can expand on
these ideas by developing social support for those going through divorce or
separation.
The author further demonstrates the
role of a minister working in conjunction with other personal, such as social
service agencies, medical professionals, and psychologists. Ministers have two
specific roles that the author noted. The first role is to help the individual
find his or her meaning in life. The second role is to help the individual
develop their own spirituality. Although these concepts are not stressed in
other works, Rando demonstrates the benefits of all helping professionals
working together to ensure the best outcome.
Limitations
This book outlines multiple causes
of death that may have special considerations or demonstrate a relation to
complicated grief. However, the book fails to outline the special implications
that surround murder victims, homicide victims, or individuals that are
missing. These types of deaths pose the question, “Can one ever reach peace
with their loss if closure is not present?” Moreover these cases may need
special considerations that the author fails to mention.
Conclusion
Rando
introduces multiple types of mourning that extend beyond the individual onto
caregivers and the roles of the family. These types of roles were not mention
in other works yet play a viable role in helping people to grieve. Moreover,
this book provides an emphasis on the psychological and sociological roles of
grief. Through presenting this knowledge Rando allows church professionals to
expand in the way they help people to process grief.
